Alpha's Ashes
by JadeyPops88
Summary: Bella and Jacob like you've never seen them before. Set 5 years after The Wedding. Nothing is ever going to be easy, but perhaps some things are worth fighting for. Can Bella convince Jacob otherwise?
1. Chapter 1

It's hard being left behind. It's even harder when you don't know if she's alive. Who she is… what she's become.

I put my heart in her hands for safekeeping.

More fool me.

**bpov**

"Dad, how much did you have to drink last night?" I am standing in my childhood kitchen, hands on hips glaring at my soon-to-be-wed father, and he can't meet my eye. Billy dropped him off this morning, promising to re-enact Charlie's exemplary drunken dad-dancing later. Seeing Billy's warm smile for the first time in so long had made my heart ache. Until I'd seen my father's face.

He groans, rubbing circles on his temples. "Definitely enough." He can't hide the small smirk. As bad as he is feeling now, I know he is basking in happiness. He is getting married and I came home. A day of dreams for Charlie. I smirk right back at him and hand over pain-killers and a sweating glass of cold oj.

"Thanks Bells, I knew there was a reason I loved having you home. Suppose I'd better shake myself human again and get ready. Don't want to keep my wife waiting." I am torn between slapping him and hugging him, my wonderful, silly father.

"Yes, get ready. And brush your teeth. I can smell cheap beer a mile away." I admonish as he hauls himself up the stairs. I'm pretending that I'm calm and collected and grown up, but it is becoming near-impossible to keep up the pretence. My stomach has been in knots for the past three weeks waiting for today. I'm dreading seeing Jacob after so long. After what happened, how we left everything. The image of his devastated face after my wedding is burnt on the back of my eyelids. It's all I see every time I close my eyes. I'm hoping that the five years will have healed him in some way, but I know it won't have. All I know is that my heart is still beating, that I am still _me._ That has to count for something surely? I'm gripping the counter top like a life raft. I slowly ease away my fingers, smooth down my dress and take a deep breath. I can hear Charlie clattering around upstairs.

"Dad, you ready? We're going to be late if you don't get yourself moving!" He comes down the stairs, tying his tie.

"Yep, let's get this show on the road Bella." He's smiling so much, it's wonderful to see. For one day I can at least shove my stupid problems aside and be happy for my glowing father. I take his hand in mine and pull him towards the car.

The ceremony went without a hitch. I'm standing at the bar burning holes into Jacob's back. He looked like a god standing at the top of the aisle in his charcoal grey suit, hair cropped, steadfastly refusing to meet my eye as I walked with my arm linked through Charlie's. He hasn't acknowledged my existence once. Although what did I really expect? For him to sweep me off my feet and tell me he loves me still? Well, a small part of me wished he would.

"Bella! You look amazing, so good to finally see you again." Embry's buoyant voice pulls me out of my trance. He looks very dapper in his suit. I smile.

"Good to see you too. It's been too long. How's things been?" We are both avoiding talking about the past, and we both know it.

"Can't complain. The garage is doing well. No more crazy leeches, so we're all pretty chilled now."

"Yeah I bet. So, how's the rest of the pack?" _Don't mention Jacob, don't mention Jacob._

"We're good Bella, Emily's pregnant, has Charlie told you? Sam is too excited, he's turned into some kind of baby-monster. He's worse than Em!" He chuckles. I'd seen Emily's growing stomach earlier today but hadn't had a chance to congratulate her yet. "But apart from that, nothing much to report. Have you… uh… spoken to er, Jakeyet?" He's squirming almost as much as I am.

"No."

"Uh, ok. Well, should probably get back! Good to see you." He practically runs across the room. Well, what else was I meant to say? I haven't spoken to him. God, I need a drink. I catch the barman's eye and order a double whisky on the rocks.

The cool glass in my hands and the burn of the spirit in my throat centres me. I take a deep breath and head over to Jacob. It's now or never.

I reach him and feel the warmth radiating out from his tense back. It's all I can do to not run the last few steps and throw myself into his arms. I touch him gently on the shoulder and he locks his muscles against my fingers, even though I know he would have heard me moving towards him from across the room. He doesn't turn around.

"Jacob?" I can see his jaw clenching and unclenching rhythmically. I don't take my hand away. "Jake?" He slowly turns. Shivering as though he's going to phase at the slightest push. I resolve not to push him.

Our eyes meet and my stomach flips a thousand times in a second. "Bella Cullen. What a _nice_ surprise." He is grimacing and clenching a glass so tightly I can see it starting to crack.

"It's Swan actually." I'm suddenly tired and snappy and furious with him for no reason.

He glares down at me. "Oh, sorry. My mistake. Well…" He smirks, a vicious glint in his eye "It was your mistake really wasn't it?" My heart-rate is soaring. I want to slap him. I want to stroke his cheek and hold his face and weep and tell him I'm sorry and beg for his forgiveness. But I certainly don't want to fight at Charlie's wedding.

"Ok Jacob, it was obviously a bad idea to come over. I'll let you get back to your friends." I take my hand away. They used to be my friends as well. He glares at me for a second before his expression softens infinitesimally. This is my chance. "I'd really like to talk to you properly though, clear the air a bit?"

He backs away from me, seething "Clear the air?" He's shaking now. "Clear the air? Are you kidding me? Are you telling me you have the audacity to walk over here, and ask to clear the air? Get out of my sight Bella before I say something I really regret." I am stuck for a moment, stunned by his furious outburst.

"Fine. I'm sorry. I should never have said anything. I'm back for a while and I just wanted to…" I don't know what I wanted. His pack brothers are slowly closing in around him, creating a protective wall of muscle and glaring eyes. I need to get outside and calm the hell down. I turn on my heel and head through the double doors, sucking in lungful's of air as I go.

Leah is leaning against the far wall of the parking lot at the back of the hall, staring at me as I walk over.

"Well, well, well. Vampire girl returns. I guess Jacob wasn't all that pleased to see you?" She's grinning. I take this as a good thing.

I walk over and lean next to her. "Indeed. If looks could kill I would be 6 feet under by now." I'm surprised at how easy it is to talk to her. Guess she's over holding grudges. "I wish I could make this right, but I just have no idea where to begin."

"Well of course you don't. You fucked off and left him broken for months Bella. You can't expect him to jump for joy seeing you again can you? Be reasonable. You married a fucking lee- uh… another _man_, after telling Jacob you loved him. What did you think would happen?" She of course speaks the truth.

"I know Leah, I know." I stare at my feet, scuffing the toe of my black pumps. "I just didn't expect him to be so…" Leah cocks her eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue. "So damned angry. I mean, I get it! I really do, but we've grown up, moved on-"

She stops me with a raised hand. "Moved on? Have you?"

"Well, I left Edward four years ago. But no, I can't move on from Jacob. I can't seem to let him go, even though I know it's selfish of me to keep holding on to him. I'm trying, I am. " I say in a rush.

"Well I never thought I'd see the day that little ol' Bells grew a pair. You left Edward _four_ years ago? What happened?" Her voice is sharp, but not unfriendly.

"Jacob happened. You know what they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and always wanting what you can't have. Well that's exactly what happened. I couldn't get over Jacob and it was ruining Edward. He tried to help me, but I was horrible to him. We don't speak anymore. I was a truly hideous person, Leah, you have no idea."

"Well, if you left Edward anything like you left Jake, I'm sure I have a pretty good idea." Her eyes are boring into me. I'm sweating with nerves and pent up frustration. "Look, go enjoy the rest of the party. Jacob will calm down eventually. How long are you staying for?"

"A while, I've got an apartment in Port Angeles that I'm looking at on Monday. The publishing firm I work for offered me a transfer. I've just got to decide whether or not I want to stay. It's kind of nice being out of New York though, the quiet calms me."

"Well enjoy it while you can, because being around Jacob isn't going to be calm you one little tiny bit. I'll be surprised if he hasn't ripped your head off within the next week. Nice seeing you Vamps." She pushes off the wall and heads back into the fray. I stand outside a while longer, willing myself to regain control and act like the adult I now officially am. I'm glaring at my toes when I hear footsteps and Jacob is standing three feet away, not looking at me.

"How long are you back for?" He has stopped shaking, but his muscles are bunched, ready for impact it seems.

"My publishing firm has offered me a transfer. Charlie wants me to take it."

"Right."

"Yep. So. How have you been?" I almost slap myself the second the sentence leaves my mouth.

He glances at me, a tiny smile playing about his full lips. "That's a very, very stupid question Isabella." At least he's smiling.

"Sorry. Wasn't thinking."

"Do you ever think?"

"Sometimes, but I tend to shock myself so much when it happens that I resolve not to do it again for a while." I am screaming inside: _touch me! Come closer! I need to feel your hands on me, please._

"Clearly." He steps forward, eyes finally meeting mine. My heart picks up. I know he can hear it.

"Look Jake, I know whatever I say won't fix anything, but you have to-"

His fists clench instantly at my words. "Have to _what_ exactly? I don't think I **have** to do anything you say actually. In fact I have no idea why I'm even wasting my time out here with you. All I know is that I wanted to see you. But I didn't realise just how fucking angry I was with you until you got here. It's taking all of my energy not to lose it with you entirely, Bella." I hold his gaze.

"I understand that Jacob. Trust me, I'm angry with myself. I don't want you to forgive me, I know it's not going to work like that, but I do miss you. I've missed you every day since I left."

"WELL YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING LEFT ME!" He's screaming in my face, inches away. His eyes are black pools of fury and hatred and pain. And I caused it all. He grabs me by the tops of my arms, shaking me. "How could you Bella? And then walk back here and want to talk to me? Tell me you miss me? What the fuck goes through your mind to make you think that is a good idea?" His hands are cutting off the circulation to my palms.

"Jacob, let go of me."

"Fuck you Bella. Fuck you." He drops my arms and storms back into the hall.

**jpov**

I can't breathe, I am shaking so much it's a wonder I haven't phased. Embry, Seth and Quil are by my side seconds after I step back through the doors. Seth is rubbing my arm, trying to soothe me. I want to rip his head off.

"Jake, calm down man. Not here." Quil is begging. I can't see straight.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm ok. I just need a minute." My fury at Bella is undeniable. A force I cannot control, I want to scream at her and shake her and make her _see. _Make her feel as bad as I do. I've gone from a nervous teenage boy to a snarling hulk of a man with one look at brown eyes. I need to pull myself together. People are starting to stare. My vision is blurring and I have to get a hold of myself. I inhale slowly, filling my lungs and exhale. And repeat. The pack is on high alert, a twitching body of muscle, while their pathetic alpha tries his damndest to pull himself together. The shaking is slowing down and I slowly open my eyes.

"Jesus Jake, what the fuck was that?" Seth is peering at me, his eyes wide. I don't know if I trust myself not to lose it so I don't speak, just continue on breathing and calming. The double doors open and I smell her before I hear her heartbeat, what was once such a soothing sound is now my own personal hell.

"Get me the fuck out of here." I haven't felt this out of control… ever. My hands are at my scalp tugging my hair. Paul and Quil flank me and guide me to the doors as quickly as possible. I catch Bella's eye as I'm trying not to phase.

She takes a step towards me, concern etched on her face. "Jacob?"

Paul snarls at her "Bella, now is _not_ a good time. Just get back to Charlie. Seriously." He heaves me forcibly towards the exit, everyone is staring. Bella looks like she might argue, her bottom lip quivering. She takes a step towards me. Why is she affecting me like this? I'm simultaneously furious at myself and panicking that I might lose it entirely. "Bella, just back off! Goddamit." We are at the door, just three more steps. My wolf is winning this battle, I have to get outside. Paul finally manages to haul me out the doors into the parking lot when Charlie, red-faced with anger and whiskey yanks my shirt, and tugs me to a stop.

"Now what in the hell is going on here Jacob? Pull yourself together and stop causin' a damned scene." I bow my head at his words, I couldn't even hold it together long enough to not screw up today for him. I feel like a scolded toddler.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I really don't know what happened… I haven't seen her in-"

"I don't care. You're both adults now Jacob, start acting like it." He turns on his heel and walks back inside. I know he's right. I turn and stare at my pack. "Guys, I am so sorry. It's not acceptable. I'd be on your throats in a second if one of you pulled a stunt like that. I don't know what the fuck happened."

"Jake, it's fine, we've got your back." Seth, as always is hugely forgiving and optimistic. I give him a grateful smile.

"I'm going to head back to mine, calm down a bit. Call if you need anything. Have a good night guys." Paul slaps my back, the rest of them raise a hand to me and head back inside. I'm panting, but finally have my anger under almost control. I reach into my pocket and pull out the keys to my truck, I wander over to it, still trying to shove down the wolf's need to phase right here and right now when I hear tiny footsteps behind me. I growl involuntarily, almost too scared to turn around and face her. Why the fuck cant she just let me be? I heave a sigh, and rest my forehead against the roof of the truck. _Breathe in, and exhale. Repeat. _

I suck in a breath and hope to God it steadies me enough for this. For her. **"**Bella, you really need to go. Seriously, I can't take much more of this." She stops, feet away from me. I can hear her worrying the shawl around her tense shoulders.

She is sweating slightly. She inhales deeply and exhales, catching my eye and holding my gaze. "Jacob, I just wanted to apologise… for earlier. I'm stupid, I didn't think. I just kind of expected you to welcome me back with open arms or something… I uh…" She falters. Why does her heartbeat still affect me so? Why am I so angry? "Jake, please." The uncontained plea in her voice nearly undoes me. I can feel the wolf rising to the surface in fury again, and I struggle to dampen it down. As much as this little creature hurt me, I will not hurt her. Physically at least.

I spin and glare at her, growling "Why are you making this so fucking difficult? There is no need. Come back for your father's wedding, be nice, be sociable. Don't come after me. Leave me alone. That's all I wanted Bells." Her nickname slips on my tongue like a breath. Fuck. Her eyes are glowing now. A lifeline thrown, and I didn't even mean to. She is reaching towards me. I'm trembling.

"Jacob."

It takes but one word and I am struggling to hold on.

"Please." Two and I'm almost ruined.

"Bella. Please go back inside."

She stares up at me. Not an innocent 18 year old anymore.

"Please go back inside Bella." Her arm reaches out and she senses my weakness. She has an eyelash on her cheek. Her lips are pressed together. "Please Bella." I am begging. This has never happened.

She steps back, inhaling. Her heartbeat is still my conductor, even though I am trying my hardest to resist.

"Jacob, I truly am sorry. You have to believe me." She is wringing her hands. Afraid to meet my eye. Goddamn it Bella.

I step towards her and she flinches. Good. "Bella, I can't. That's it. That's all I have. You already took everything, I have nothing else to give you. Please go." She stares at me, and steps forward. I can almost hear her thoughts. I'm trying to contain the wolf, trying to stop it becoming both of us and dealing with Bella. So I barely even notice it as her tiny hands grab my face and force my lips down to hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Ok, so I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter. There were a couple of issues with it that I realised upon reading back, but want to get the whole story up first before going back and editing too much, so bear with me. I also have a slight obsession for putting commas EVERYWHERE so I apologise for that! (And I don't have a Beta currently). I'm not going to set a specific update plan, as knowing me I will never stick to it and annoy everyone. **

**bpov**

All I can think is 'shitshitshit' on a constant loop through my head. What am I doing? I'm shoved back suddenly with nearly enough force to knock me off my feet. Jacob is glaring at me with a rage I have never seen before.

"What in God's name do you think you're doing? I'm MARRIED Bella." He holds out his left hand, and indeed there is a thin black tine tattooed there. Oh dear.

"I… I… I don't know what came over me." I'm stuttering and shaking now.

He growls at me. "Listen to me very carefully. Don't contact me; don't do anything to put yourself in my vicinity. I love my wife Bella, and you made your decision a long time ago. You loved him more remember? Well, I love her more. Move on. Now." And with that he jumps into his truck and pulls away, showering me in dry dust. I don't want to move from this very spot. My lips are tingling from his hot mouth. I can't face going back inside to deal with what has just happened. I cannot believe I have caused such a scene at my own father's wedding. Guilt and shame swoop in my stomach leaving a sick sense of foreboding. I don't know what I'm going to do.

**jpov**

I cannot, cannot believe she just did that. My mind is all over the place and it's all I can do to keep my concentration on the road. I watch the houses fly past instead of dwelling on the situation; at least I'm not seconds from phasing. I like this truck and I dread to think what my wolf would do to the leather interior. Silently thanking the Spirits that Olivia is out of town for the next few days I slow down enough to not draw attention to myself. Returning home in this state would panic her beyond belief. Especially when she finds out it is Bella that is causing me to shiver like this. I hadn't told her that Bella was coming back for the wedding, a white lie on my part. But the jealousy that Olivia feels is something I can't prevent or subdue, no matter how many times I reassure her or hold her close to me and promise I would never do that to her. I love her dammit!

I turn off towards my home, at the opposite end of the rez to where Billy lives and pull up in front of the porch and grip the steering wheel. Before I can stop myself my mind has wandered back to five years ago.

_Soft, delicate white shoulders. A wisp of dark hair curled just so. I can almost reach out and brush it away, tuck it behind a tiny ear with a single diamond stud in the lobe. A glance back at me, a coy smile and I'm captivated, lost in liquid brown eyes. My heart pounds and I hear hers quicken too. The girl that I promised to love, I promised I would always stand by, even when she was so determined to rip herself away from me._

And now she is back and still human. I shake my head violently, trying to dispel the thoughts that are slowly creeping back in. Thoughts that I have steadily replaced with images of my wife, with my work, my home. Not Bella. Never Bella. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and scroll down to Olivia's name.

She answers on the second ring and I can't even speak. "Jake? Hello? I'm about to go into a meeting. Is everything ok?" I imagine her tapping her toe in impatience.

"Hi babe, sorry just wanted to see how it's all going…" I trail off.

"Yeah its fine darling, are you ok? How was the wedding? You seem a bit off."

"Mmm, wedding was good. Charlie and Sue are happy so..."

She interrupts me "Jake, darling I really have to go. Can I call you tonight?"

"Of course, I lov…." She's hung up the phone before I can finish my sentence. For some unfathomable reason speaking to her has made me feel ten times worse. I'm fighting the urge to dial Bella's number and screech at her down the phone if only to make myself feel better for a second.

Perhaps I could pretend for a moment that I don't have a wife or Bella and even though there is no passion in my life, at least my heart isn't being pulled in this many directions. I berate myself _I am meant to be over Miss Isabella Swan I am married. I am married. _I miss her.

**bpov**

Three weeks later Dad and Sue have returned from their cruise and I am packed and ready to move out of their home. They rushed in the front door, glowing and tanned, thrusting presents into my hands and telling tales of rum cocktails and dancing till 3am and seasickness. I smile in the right places, nod my head encouragingly whilst they look at each other and share secret smiles. I decide I can't get out quick enough and tell them I have a conference call I cannot miss and dive out of the door and into my waiting car.

I sit for a moment before pulling away. It's like Jacob has disappeared off the face of the planet. While I often bump into members of the pack – including Emily, waddling down the street laden with groceries – I have seen neither hide nor hair of him. I have had coffee with Seth and two dinners with Leah, both stubbornly refusing to even mention anything remotely connected to their Alpha. I have stayed up late, writing letters, text messages, emails and then throwing them away or deleting them. I want to apologise but I can't bring myself to make that first step when he so explicitly told me I was not to. I'm imagining running into him and what I would say or do in an almost compulsive manner. Bella Swan has reverted back from strong, independent woman to crazed lust-filled teenager with one look into bottomless black eyes.

Snapping myself back to the here and now I start the engine and begin the half an hour drive to my new apartment. It's a tiny affair above a coffee shop in Port Angeles, but it has a balcony and huge windows in the front so I can't complain. I decide to stop in the local grocery store to stock up on dinner stuffs and wine before I head back. The thought of a cold glass of sauvignon and a good book almost brings me to tears. If I'd have known how happy little things like this would make me with all the stress of Jacob I would have moved back a lot sooner.

I grin at my own joke and pull in.

Jacob's truck is parked out front.

My palms start sweating. Every possibility runs through my mind in 12 seconds. I start to hyperventilate, heaving in heavy breaths and trying to calm myself. The irony is not lost on me, last time I saw him it was Jacob trying to calm himself. I'm stuck in my stupid little car, too afraid to leave and see him and too afraid to not leave, lest I never see his beautiful face again. I wipe my sweaty palms on my shorts and grip the door handle. _I can do this._

He steps out of the automatic doors, a vision in a tight black t-shirt and denim shorts. A pair of mirrored aviators hanging at his neck. I can see a slight sheen of moisture on the v of his chest that the t-shirt doesn't cover, _holy hell._

Before I know what I'm doing I'm out of the car and at his side. He growls low in his chest.

"Jacob, please. Please just give me a second, please. I'll do anything." He glares at me, continuing his walk to his truck. I follow like the pathetic girl I am. "Jake, please."

He stops, turns and places his shopping on the ground by his feet. "What could you possibly want to say to me Bella? I thought I made myself pretty clear last time."

"I have to talk to you properly, please. I learnt some things when I was living in Alaska, Jake. I really think you'd want to hear it." I'm holding my breath, losing myself in his beautiful eyes. I miss him. I miss everything about him. I realise I am close to tears.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Fine. Fine, anything to get you off my damn back. Meet me at Henry's tomorrow night. 8pm." He has his groceries in his hand and is in his truck before I can even blink. As he pulls away I crouch down to the ground and almost scream with joy. This is my chance. My future is in my own hands now. I just have to get him to listen.


	3. Chapter 3

**jpov**

I pull into my drive and take a moment before heading into the house. I can hear Olivia typing in the tiny wood-panelled office at the back of the house so I know I have a moment to collect my thoughts. It's like everything I have worked towards is coming crashing down around my ears. The thought of losing my wife is inconceivable. But the thought of being able to stay away from Bella for any length of time now she is back is even worse. I feel like I'm being split in two.

"Jake?" Olivia is standing on the door, watching me carefully.

I step out of the truck and walk over to her, pressing my lips to her soft blonde hair and breathing in her scent. "Hi darling, how's your day been?" She peers up at me. I know this look and brace myself.

"It's been… uh … interesting. I had lunch with Emily."

"Oh, how's she doing. She not had the baby yet?" Trying to lighten the conversation is not working. She has a hard set to her mouth and tenses in my arms.

"Well, she's fine. She mentioned that Bella is back. Has been back a few weeks actually. Wondered what my _husband_ had been drinking to make that little bit of information slip his mind."

Shit.

"I'm sorry. I've been a coward about the whole thing. I didn't want to worry you."

"Worry me? What do I have to be worried about Jake?" She steps away from me, and folds her arms across her chest. The look in her eye scares me.

"Nothing. Of course nothing. You know I love you. Please don't make this bigger than it needs to be. There is no issue."

"Well, there wasn't an issue until you lied to me Jacob. I would have thought about it for a couple of days and got over it. But because you've hidden this away like a dirty secret I can't just let it go. Tell me honestly now. Do I have anything to worry about?" She holds my gaze and I can't answer. I can't get the words past my lips. I shake my head.

"Oh my god! You can't even say it can you? I stutter and search for the words I need to say but her patience has worn thin with me now. She pushes me away and holds my gaze. "Jacob, promise me you won't see her. Promise me now."

"I can't promise that, I ran into her this evening on the way home from the meeting. But Livvy, you know I would never hurt you like that. You know that. Look at me." I lean forward and hold her chin gently in my hand and look into her ocean blue eyes. They remind me of the rock pools on Third Beach, especially now as they are glittering with unshed tears. I run my thumb along her jaw and she leans into me.

"I'm scared Jake. I can't lose you."

"You won't, you won't. Don't think like that." I feel a tension growing inside of me, threating to rip through my skin and take me down. I'm lying to myself. I'm still going to see Bella tomorrow. I want to hear what she says, but I can't tell my wife. The woman that loved me enough, I am betraying her and I hate myself.

_**3 Years Previous**_

"Jacob Ephraim Black, get out here now and stop being such a little bitch!" Paul is standing at my door, hissing to me as I cover my ears with my comforter and pretend I'm at least three foot smaller. "Jaaaaaake! She's pretty. Come say hi!" He snickers, and I want to punch him in the throat. Repeatedly.

I snarl "Fuck. Off." Paul just laughs and runs into my room, grabs me y the ankles and yanks me firmly out of bed. I land with a violent look in my eyes. "Paul. I am FINE. Go away."

"Billy is telling her stories. You sure you're gonna let him continue?" He cocks his eyebrow at me and watches as I rise up from the floor. "Yeah, I thought not. Come O' Mighty Alpha. Your future awaits." He laughs and I punch him in the nose. Fucking prick.

"Jacob, meet Olivia." My dad is grinning at me like a crazy person, and I finally, _finally_ lay eyes on someone that makes my heart skip a beat and is not Bella.

"Uh. Hey Olivia." She is playing with a strand of blonde hair and smiling up at me. I think my heart rate actually quickens. But no imprint and I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. I see Billy looking at me suspiciously out of the corner of his eye and I shake my head minutely. He looks away.

"Hi Jake, your father has been telling me lots about you." She smiles and I see staright white teeth. She's very pretty.

"Well then I guess I had better set the record straight sooner rather than later hey?" I cock my eyebrow at her – a move that would have had Bella blushing furiously – but Olivia grins wider and reaches into the pocket of her blazer. She holds her hand out towards me.

"Here." In her hand is a slim white business card with her name and 'Assistant Head of La Push High School' written in block letters. I reach out and our fingers brush as I take it. A shot of electricity powers up my arm and I nearly flinch.

"Well, I'll call you then." Do I really have to be arranging a date in front of my dad? She smiles at me though, otherwise unperturbed by our audience. I like her more. She turns towards Billy and holds out her hand. "It was lovely to meet you Chief Black. I look forward to seeing you all a lot more once I've got settled in a little better."

"Anytime Olivia, the school is lucky to have you." Billy wheels his chair towards the door to see her out and opens it for her, she steps out and waves her goodbyes.

_**Present**_

**bpov**

I'm standing, shivering at the entrance to Henry's. It's a little after 8 and Jacob's truck is not out front, I tell myself that it means nothing as he could have run here in a few minutes. I grasp the door handle in front of me and try to steady my nerves. A glass of wine will have a very helpful effect, but I do actually need to step inside for that to happen. I'm continuing to reason with myself when I hear a rumble of an engine behind me. Too scared to turn around in case it is actually _him. _Dear god, what am I doing?

Ten seconds pass and I am frozen to the spot. A hot hand touches me on the shoulder and I turn slightly and stare into deep, dark eyes.

"Embry. What are you doing here?"

"Hey Bella. Jacob asked me to come." The disappointment is unreal. Embry walks past me and holds the door open, an inviting smile on his face. I try not to frown. "Come on, a drink will do both of us good. We can catch up properly." I follow him into the bar, my boots stick to the fake wood flooring.

Embry leans on the bar and orders himself a beer and I lean forward to order a glass of sauvignon. While we wait for the drinks a thick silence settles over us. I'm trying to hold back whining and demanding to know where Jacob is but I think Embry knows this as a small smile is playing about his lips. We grab our drinks and make our way over to a table in the corner. I set my drink down, clasp my hands together and place my elbows on the table, eyes boring into Embry's.

"So, Emb. Why did Jacob send you?"

He actually looks uncomfortable. "Well, Olivia isn't happy about him seeing you. And well, you know. He does want to hear what you have to say Bella."

"Fair enough, but I really don't want to discuss this with anyone but Jake."

"Bella, as much as this situation is fucked up, I have to stick by what he says. You can't honestly expect him to drop everything and run here? You're asking too much." I want to hate Embry for his words, but I know that I am putting Jacob and everyone in an awful position. But I just can't seem to stop myself. I take a deep breath.

"I know why Jacob hasn't imprinted on me." Embry slops his beer down his front in shock at my words and stares at me.

"Wha- what? How on earth could you know that?"

"While I was in Alaska I met one of the Cullen's' friends. He has the ability to detect powers in vampires. And apparently me as well. He said that if I was turned, I would be a shield of some description – and a powerful one. Hence why certain vampire powers don't work on me now."

"So you're deflecting powers. Oh! Is that why Edward could never read your mind?"

"Exactly." I pause.

"So what does this mean for you Bella?" I realise Embry doesn't understand the gravity of what I'm telling him. I don't think I care.

"I think I can _feel_ this shield already. I've been learning to manipulate it." His eyes widen. He starts to get where I'm going with this. "No. Bella. You can't do this. Think of how it affected Leah when Sam imprinted on Emily. Olivia is Leah in this situation."

"I just want to try." _I want him to love me. I need him, I can't do this without him._ "I know he still loves me Emb."

"No, he doesn't Bella. He loves his wife."

"No! We're meant to be. I know it."

Embry stands up, furiously glaring at me. "You are not going to ruin two lives, I won't let you."

I stand up, determined not to be intimidated by this man. "You don't have the right to stop me Embry. He may not even imprint. I just want to know once and for all. Then I can move on."

"You can't move on Bella, it's been 6 years and you still can't accept the fact that Jacob _has_ moved on. Got married. Left you behind. Just like you did all those years ago. Now grow up and leave him alone." He storms out, slamming the door open and taking off into the night. I grab my glass of wine and shakily lift it to my mouth, drinking it in one fluid gulp. I don't care. My mind is made up and no one can stop me. I **have** to see Jacob.

I step back to the bar and order a second drink, downing it as soon as it comes. I hand the bartender some cash and make my way to the door. It's now or never. Two drinks down and this unyielding resolve is powering me forward.

Thankfully I only see Jacob's truck as I pull up to his little house. The front room light is on, spilling a little glow onto the flowerbed in front of the window. My shaking has lessened, but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if Jake can hear my racing heart from wherever he is in the house. I get out of the truck and slowly make my way under the trellis archway covered in beautiful peach roses and up the steps to the front door. It opens before I even extend my hand to knock.

Jacob stares at me with no surprise on his face, so I know he heard me coming. We say nothing, both tense. I slowly, slowly relax and picture the edges of inside my head as an elastic band. And with exacting precision I picture it coming away, peeling back so gently, exposing my own mind. I stare into Jacob's eyes the whole time. He squeezes his shut.

"Jacob, look at me." He peeks down at me and I feel as though I've been hit by lightning. Jacob crashes to his knees and wraps his arms around my waist, I feel his sobs shake his entire form.


	4. Chapter 4

Now I am afraid. Nothing of me is left. There is a shell of where I used to be, but my insides have been excavated and replaced with a steely certainty that I shall never move from this place. That here is my happy ending, even though it will ruin all around us. I like this new place that I have entered, but I can hear dull thoughts at the back of my mind telling me something is wrong, that I have broken something irreversibly. I push them away. The sun is bearing forth on my mind and who I am to tell the spirits that they are wrong? That what they have chosen for me is not right, that I will not accept it and adore it? I am not me anymore and I am afraid.

I slowly become aware of my surroundings and that my arms are gripping the small form in front of me. I feel like I should be angry, but I can't quite grasp exactly why. I struggle to think back to what happened before this but it is easier to just stay here, quietly, breathing in and out and listening to the heartbeat that will rule me from here on out. As long as this heart beats I know I can be happy.

"Jacob." A voice of songbirds and honeysuckle and sunsets. I pull myself away from my safe haven and look up. Into those eyes. They will forever hold me, but I would not want to argue with them. They feel like home.

"Bella. Bells. How?" I am floundering now, my beautiful Bella. She smiles a tiny smile and runs her hands through my hair. Something is niggling at me still and I try to quieten it so I can enjoy this moment.

"I don't know exactly. But this is perfect. This is the way it is meant to be. Jake and Bells, as easy as breathing." She shivers slightly as the words leave her mouth.

"I love you." It feels so right.

"I love you too Jacob. Thank you for completing me." She leans down slightly and presses her lips to mine and I am lost all over again.

**bpov**

I am glorious in my happiness. I feel like I can climb a mountain and run for miles and fly. The giddy excitement is permeating my bones and I feel invincible. I have everything I always wanted even if at times I didn't know it was what I needed.

Jake stands and picks me up and twirls me around, again and again. I giggle.

"Jake! Let's go back to mine and try and wrap our heads around this a bit. Can you leave?" He looks at me in confusion.

"Of course I can leave. What would stop me?" I stare at him for a few seconds, willing the words to stay in my throat but they do not.

I barely even whisper, but he hears me. Of course. "Olivia?" He freezes in my arms and stares at me. Comprehension dawns over his face and he grimaces.

"Fuck." He stands and shoves me away gently. Without a sound he runs inside the house and I stand waiting for him, dread filling my body silently and completely. I am a home-wrecker and a terrible person. He is back within seconds clutching a framed photo and thrusts it towards me. It is of his wedding day, Olivia is beaming at him like he is her personal sunshine, and the reason her heart is beating. A feeling I know too well.

"What do we do Jacob?"

"You have to go. You have to leave. I'm sorry, this is probably going to kill me but I can't do this to my wife. You know me too well for that Bella, you know me. Don't you?" I can see the absolute agony in his eyes and it tears at my heart. I'm so close though…

"We can make this work Jake, you can't fight an imprint."

"I would have fought it for you."

"But you have me, you don't need to fight anymore! Come on, let's go!" I am tugging at his hand and I can see just how hard it is for him to not bow down to my every command.

"No Bella! Can't you see? You're doing the exact thing that stopped you from ever falling for me in the first place. Or admitting it at least. You're tearing apart a family. How could you do this? Why would you do this? I love you too much and you're killing me." Tears fall from the corners of his eyes and I see what I have done. But I can't let go, I can't give him up.

I reach out and swipe away a drop with my thumb and he leans into my palm, staring at me with huge brown eyes. He backs away, just a minute step, but I know that is enough. Jacob Black is not a man that will allow unnecessary hurt, even at the cost of his own life.

"I wish you hadn't done this Bella. You had no right." He grabs his head in his ahnds and steps further away from me. I can see the physical pain it is causing him to move away. To walk away from his soul's true love. _What have I done?_

I turn and run.


End file.
